


Help Is One Syllable and It Could Sound Like a Scream

by aurumdalseni (kyo_chan)



Series: Raven Cycle Writing Fills [6]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, in which my kink of Gansey asking for help, is resolved in the softest way I know how
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:34:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23051779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyo_chan/pseuds/aurumdalseni
Summary: It hadn’t been this bad in a long time. Gansey had tried every trick in the book, every coping mechanism he’d ever learned, all the little mental tricks. He was half a country away from his family doctor, and his anxiety meds had been long past renewing. They hadn’t been important when ley lines were under his feet and his quest before him. And surely, he’d thought,surely, they would never be necessary again.Once more, Gansey berated himself, he’d been a fool.
Relationships: Richard Gansey III/Blue Sargent
Series: Raven Cycle Writing Fills [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1399438
Comments: 3
Kudos: 46





	Help Is One Syllable and It Could Sound Like a Scream

**Author's Note:**

> Written for my 100 follower celebration, using the prompt list '100 Ways to Say I Love You'. This request was for "I'll drive you to the hospital" with Bluesey. I really wanted Gansey to have some kind of catharsis at the end of the series. A road trip is one thing, but the boy could probably use a therapist or five. I hope you enjoy!

It hadn’t been this bad in a long time. Gansey had tried every trick in the book, every coping mechanism he’d ever learned, all the little mental tricks. He was half a country away from his family doctor, and his anxiety meds had been long past renewing. They hadn’t been important when ley lines were under his feet and his quest before him. And surely, he’d thought,  _ surely _ , they would never be necessary again. 

Once more, Gansey berated himself, he’d been a fool. 

“Jane,” he whispered, voice low against her ear so he wouldn’t wake Henry. “Jane, please...”

He didn’t know what he was asking for, eyes wide in the dark room, on high alert for something. Hornets, nightmares, demons, he didn’t know. Whatever haunted the space behind his closed eyes was waiting for him, or so his mind told him. It shook up his memories, ate at his gut, and had his left ear buzzing over nothing. 

“Gansey, what...?” 

Blue blinked sleepily up at him. Gansey was sure a whole day had passed...no, it has been whole seconds. His hands were clammy when he sought hers. He shook his head. There was no way he could say anything; he might start screaming. But when her fingers entwined with his, it was like being wrapped in fronds, a weighted blanket of her presence. 

“Okay,” she said softly, swinging herself up while still holding his hand. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.”

Blue stood up and Gansey gulped in shaky breaths of her shampoo, trying to focus on everything he loved about her. Her sharp eyes, her bare feet on the floor, how she looked at home in his old crew tee and flannel boxers, how she was his home. He felt awful; when would he be good enough for her?

Inhale, exhale, count to ten. He was an educated boy, could speak two languages and fake it through many others.  _ Use your words, Gansey _ .

“I don’t know what to do, Jane.”

Blue looked him up and down, assessed his wild eyes and ragged breathing. Could she feel his pulse while he crushed her fingers in his? Her free hand came home to brush his hair from his face. He leaned into her palm. Help me.

“Okay, I will.” 

He made an undignified noise to confirm he’d said that out loud. He couldn’t remember the last time. “I’m...”

Blue shushed him with the pads of her fingers on his lips. He kissed them. His face was wet. 

“I’ll drive you to the hospital,” she said, pulling him over to where they’d dropped their keys earlier that night. “Your mission is to find me the closest one. Can you do that?”

Gansey thought about his cell phone in the pocket of his sleeping pants, burning a hole in his skin with unsent texts to Lynch and Parrish. But this was a mission, and he was good at those. No one was better at finding things than Gansey. He nodded to Blue and she offered him a smile while she grabbed a knitted beret he’d gotten her at a truck stop because it was a color he adored on her. She tucked her sleep-missed hair into it and Gansey found solace in once more falling in love with Blue. 

Trembling in the passenger seat of her Camaro, he searched hospitals and pulled the closest one up on GPS. Propping it up on the dash for Blue, he sagged against the door with his head in cool glass. He didn’t remember the drive or what music she put on the radio to help him. He only stayed in this reality because she’d twisted his fingers in the leg of her shorts so he could both hold on and feel her skin without keeping her from working the stick shift. 

The lights were too bright when they walked into the hospital and Blue did all the talking for him, thumbing through his wallet — had she grabbed it on the way out? Thank God. He fidgeted through his vitals, breathed when he was told to, stethoscope picking up his jackrabbit pulse. Everything felt like wolves. He wanted to scream again. He paced and bit his knuckles until the curtain was pulled aside. 

“I’m Dr. Gina, Mr. Gansey. It’s okay, we’re gonna take care of you.”

Frantic, he cast his eyes to Blue, who nodded and took his hand again. It had been years since he’d done anything like this. Perhaps it was long overdue. 

“I’m...” Well, he was sure she could tell he was having a panic attack. “It’s been a while. Please help me.”

Blue lay her head on his shoulder. The difference between now and before was that he wasn’t alone. 

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me about TRC and CDTH over at [my blog](http://oldkingyounggod.tumblr.com)! I also take writing prompts there. Thank you for reading! <3


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